Fixer Upper

Photo of my feet in the sawdust, next to the cut saw and a can of paint. July, 2025.

We've done many rounds of home renovations over the years, so as we age, we think "we are good at this". Won't it be fun to walk down memory lane, or, imagine we're starting our own episode of Fixer Upper? Except instead of a TV crew, it's just you and your weary spouse.

Home renovations on HGTV look so effortless: a couple knocks down a wall, picks out some throw pillows, and voila instant dream home, all while wearing shiny designer heels. In reality, the only reveal you're getting is your bank account balance, and it's scarier than anything on a demolition day. Home renovations start with "we'll keep it simple and stay on budget." Until, what we've come to call the "might-as-well syndrome" kicks in. Flash forward three months and you are seriously considering a GoFundMe to pay for quartz countertops. Every trip to the hardware store adds another $200 to the total, even if you only went for that particular light bulb.

You start with noble intentions. Three weeks later, you're still standing in a dusty war zone with your contractor and you've learned four new Spanish curse words, but constantly remind yourself  "this is just temporary". You do whatever you can on your own to save $$. Meanwhile, your Youtube DIY search history reads like the diary of a senior hypochondriac ... "can drywall dust cause Alzheimer's?"

Late-night trips to Home Depot had us agonizing over things like the million swatches and tints of white paint. Contenders were Cottontail, Super White, and Alabaster ... which we later called Ala-bastard, due to the nasty greenish undertones. So we decided on Swiss Coffee, that doesn't even sound remotely like a white. But, we bonded over deciphering the difference between "eggshell", "satin" and "ultra low gloss" because it's a life or death mission.

Nearing the end of one of your infinite to-do lists, you optimistically say "we'll be done by next week". In renovation-speak this translates to mysterious delays: "out of stock", "oops, we cut that wrong", or bats taking up residence in the wall. (True, true and true.) You start measuring time not in days, but in how many takeout meals you've picked up at Safeway deli, out of pure exhaustion, or while waiting for something to dry. (Also, true.)

When it's all done or at least habitable, you'll look around proudly and say "We did this!" Then, you'll immediately notice something else that needs fixing... Might-as-well!