Reflecting on Regrets... I've Had a Few


Reflection of my feet.

I love the story of the guy with the tattoo spelled "No Ragrets".

I walk around thinking I don't have regrets, but after listening to a podcast with interviewee Daniel Pink... ya, I do. He talked about his book Power of Regret - How Looking Backward, Moves us Forward. His books are interesting and always backed with solid research. This time he collected 26,000 regrets from people from 130 countries. He discovered that people will talk about regrets, but most, like me, want to ignore them. This denial is likely due to believing that reflecting on regrets isn't good because "positivity is the only way" plus you've moved on. Others wallow in regret, which isn't good either. But he says we all have regrets -- the remorse or uneasy feeling about things we wish we had done differently. 

In Pink's study, most regrets were about things not done, rather than what was done. It might be as simple as wishing you'd been kinder, more generous or had gone to that funeral. Many regretted saying something or wish they'd spoken up. Four types of regrets include: Foundation regrets about stability -- perhaps your finances, health, or education.They should have saved more, quit smoking or finished that degree. Boldness regrets are about playing it safe or being too risky. Most regretted not taking a chance or missing an opportunity, not traveling, or not asking someone on a date. Moral regrets are about doing the wrong thing instead of being good, true, fair, generous and honest. Connection regrets were the biggest category concerning relationships and love. 

So what lessons or meaning did most people extract from reflecting on their regrets? There is no perfect time to start something -- start now. Pick a lane for the moment and stick with that. Finish that thing. Show up and do the work. Say it now... reach out and give that person a call. Listen to your own instincts or inner voice when making a decision -- you know what is right for you. Learn, grow, contribute to the world... use your talents or life in service somehow. Some regrets can't be undone, but remember that you are a different person today than you were then. Treat yourself with kindness and self compassion when reflecting on what you consider mistakes. Don't beat yourself up about them. 

"Reflecting on our regrets helps us clarify our values and helps us do better in the future."
~ Daniel Pink


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